Why is it Repeating?

Time is not elapsing

Feels like I’m relapsing

Synapses misfiring

Cold sweat I’m perspiring

Dark thoughts are beckoning

Lost notes I’m reckoning

Defenses shattering

Self-doubts I’m battering

Neglect is defeating

Alone I’m retreating

Something keeps repeating…

Author’s Note: Sometimes you feel like you’re making progress, moving on from some things that made you feel sad. Then you can feel like you’re getting stuck, or even going backwards towards those feelings you wish you never had. It’s a strange thing, to not feel like you’re in control of your emotions, to feel sad and alone when you know you shouldn’t be feeling those things. Maybe you felt a need to talk to one specific person, but they were busy, and it somehow feels like the entire world has left you. This is about exploring those kinds of feelings.

Roadside Bubbly

Forgotten by the roadside,
How could they let it slide?
Sparkling potion, full of magic,
Evening becomes tragic.
Colorful dresses, suits and ties,
Odd looks, whispers, and lies,
Awkward questions they ask,
Taking you both to task.
Gone, but where could it be?
Disappearance, sad mystery.
Careful plans, thoughts, and dreams
All long lost in the slipstream
Rolling up over the roof
Surprising all with lost proof,
Story with semblance of truth.

Author’s Note: There’s a weird story behind this one… I was out driving around taking care of some errands, and I saw what looked to be a completely intact bottle of champagne sitting in the grass in the median. It was at the turn to get out of a strip mall that does have a liquor store in it, so I pictured someone who had their hands full, set the bottle down on their car to get their keys out, then got in and drove away without remembering to put the bottle in their car. And then, somehow, spectacularly, the bottle rolled off their car and made a gentle landing in the median vice landing on the pavement and shattering into a million pieces. I wish I’d had a passenger in the car to take a picture of it, it would have complemented this nicely.

I was inspired to imagine a couple who were supposed to bring champagne to some kind of fancy, formal party, the type of party people attend more to fulfill an obligation than to have fun. But! They arrive and the champagne is nowhere to be found! And then everyone at the party gets very judgmental, building up a lot of stress and sadness for the couple who were supposed to have the champagne.

Despite all that backstory, the thoughts came together fast so this didn’t take more than a few minutes to write up, and I think it even wound up with a bit of a rhythm?

A Sad Look

If I left

Would you feel

Quite bereft?

Would you know

Where I might

Choose to go?

Maybe you’ll

Think of me,

Wonder what

Came to be?

Ask the sky,

Where is he?

So far gone

You can’t see

Distant light?

Could he be

Lost at night?

Doesn’t sound

At all right.

Once so close,

Spirits tight,

Not so now,

Burning fright.

Moves quite deft

Flames burn bright

Hide the theft

Soon now, no

Chances left?

Author’s Note: Most of this popped into my head late one night when I was sick recently, I think the combination of being up late and being in a daze from medication brought several sad thoughts to the forefront of my mind and then onto a notepad. With a few extra lines and just a little polishing up, this is the result. The title refers to how some people get a look on their face when they’re feeling sad. As for the poem, it’s sort of an exploration of loneliness, with the character wondering whether it would be better to cut their losses and stay alone vice tough things out for another chance. It seems like they’re going to tough it out, since they seem to be very concerned about how much a certain person or persons might miss them.

As an aside, from a structure standpoint, I was inspired in some small part by the blink-182 song “Dammit.” The verses in that song consist of lines that are only 3 syllables long: the result is that a message is sent in fewer words than it might otherwise be, which to me makes that message feel more emotional. That’s sort of how this poem felt, a bunch of emotions hitting the page at a rapid pace.

Cloudburst

Step outside
Rain all around
Nowhere to hide
Storms surround

Water covers
Faces soak
Darkness hovers
Spirits broke

Lightning flash
Thunderous boom
Dreams smash
Fill with gloom

Clouds part
Rage through
Fresh start
Storms renew

Author note: This was inspired in part by watching one day as people at work struggled to get to their cars in the parking lot during a sudden, massive downpour. Some had some serious looks of dismay on their faces, probably that they had meetings to get to elsewhere on our compound and would now be showing up soaking wet. At the time I was also feeling kind of down, but as I jotted the first version of this down on a Post-It Note I remembered: a passing storm may seem violent, even destructive, to us but to nature it’s a form of a renewal.